Her Broken Dreams
by XxStarxGazerxX
Summary: All she left was a note. She didn't know who would be reading it; but at the moment nothing else mattered. " Maybe power of will doesn't change a thing" " Neji was right.." These are the last written words of Hyuuga Hinata. and where we begin. M- in case
1. Goodbyes

_-Prolouge-_

_...I suppose living the way I used to; away from the world and too shy to really become myself; was in its own way; my attempt at preteding that the life I lived was not mine._

_my only condolence; the only light in my life; were always books._

_fact books, history novels, murder mysteries... I could put myself in another person's shoes for a time, own their stories, their pasts. And I would've preferred to live among my books all my life; if it hadn't been for Uzumaki Naruto._

_He is the reason I agreed to undergo rigorous training as a future konoha nin, both at school and at home. _

_And the person he was; outgoing, and not afraid to look beyond his own troubled past into a future that seemed so bright to him..._

_It made me fall in love with him. Dreamer that I was; I longed for his courage and strength. Wished he could take me with him; on the journey that was his life and goals._

_If I couldn't make it; at least let me be near him; to get a taste of what it was like. _

_To have someone proud of you. To be someone strong, worthy of praise _

_But I never talked to him. Few times I did I was too shy to say anything. Even to ask for his he gave it freely and to anyone; I still wish i'd asked._

_Done something out of courage, for no complete reason. Like Naruto._

_I stayed in my shell; though as I got older I got a little better. Tried newer things. Hoped Naruto would notice them and say something._

_But he was in love with a pink-haired beauty by name of Haruno Sakura. _'Haruno-san is the luckiest girl on earth' _I used to think. Because someone like  
Naruto loved her. Even though she could not see him; and saw only their other teammate Uchiha Sasuke._

_When I was 13; he left the village. When he left hwe took more than Sakura's heart. Because when Sasuke left; Sakura took Naruto away._

_for years Naruto trained away from home. To find the only man standing in the way of his love. Because aside from a rival; Sasuke was his best friend. It was... Just like Naruto-kun._

_Put himself in needless danger for the sake of others. Even myself._

_beat my cousin at the chunnin exams. And changed him. Though he could've beaten him without defending me; he didn't do so. Helped me._

_And changed me; in that way._

_After the chunnin exams; after getting beat by my cousin and gaining my health back; I worked hard as I could. Both in the training rooms and life itself. _

_I stopped stuttering. And Ino was teaching me how to wear heels. So I could walk like a lady too._

_But it wasn't enough, or it was too late... I keep telling myself these things; but maybe I just never had a chance._

_Sakura was a rose petal; bright and soft. She was all around beaty and brains. I was brains but I was also a wallfower. reclusive, quiet. soft; but breakable. _

_And to the man I so desperately loved; invisible._

_When he and sakura began going out; I would sit alone in my room; and pretend Naruto was thinking of me. He was wondering what I was doing. _

_That winter; when I got sick; I pretended that every sneeze was another thought he'd just had of me. In the spring; when the snow melted and the time of romance once again began afresh, I would imagine Naruto was outside my window; in the Hyuuga main house. To see me. And let go of Sakura._

_Every kiss they shared in front of me; I pretended not to see. Sometimes; when Sasuke was still being interrogated and processed; we would all go on missions together. And at night; I would turn my back and pretend that the people I was talking to by the fire were not shadow clones of a couple really out together and away from me._

_I would sit in my tent; and fall asleep thinking- He'll go into my tent tonight. To see me. Only me. _

_It was just me pretending like my love was not unrequited. It wasn't enough with books; I had to tell myself these things; in order to feel better. _

_So maybe I didn't really change when It came to Naruto._

_Seasons went and came after that; all in a blur and silent. There was nothing interesting. I became a jounin. I kept my place as heir to the Hyuuga clan._

_my life was going great. It seemed so well. I'd learned to walk in heels. I'd made friends in the countries I visited on missions; and their letters kept me busy._

_Naruto and Sakura were away more often on missions together. They were always seen at the Icharaku shop; "taking one last bowl before we go" Naruto could be heard saying._

_I would sigh when I'd hear these words. Naruto never stayed long anymore. Sakura was pulling him away into another world; where I didn't exist anymore._

_But I pretended not to mind. I'd stopped lying to myself so openly by then. But I still kept a flicker of hope within me. _

_That Naruto-kun would wake up one day and realize I'd always be waiting for him. That it wasn't too late to change everything. Hanabi and Neji even convinced me to confess to him once and for all._

_But I stalled. A day went by. And then a week. Then he was off on missions all the time; and I didn't have time to see him anymore._

_Like I said; life blurred._

_Until before I knew it; it had been 7 years since the rookie nine had all become gennin. I thought; '7 years!' must be a lucky time.. I'll tell him then. I'll tell him then.' So we all went to a bar._

_We had a few drinks. Toasted to old times. Remembered some of our fallen. Some of our old sensei's were there as well. Gai still wore green tights; and Kakashi still covered his face and one eye. That much hadn't changed._

_I was still a bit of an outsider; still a bit shy. Ino and Sakura now argued lightly; teasingly. Naruto still saw Sasuke as a rival; and Gai still challenged Kakashi to meaningless competitions. Which got stupider as the night and drinking wore on._

_Other people came as well; Neji-nii and his team; even the sand kage and his siblings; Gaara, Temari and Kankuro._

_Everyone important to Naruto was there. And he announced the happiest news of his life._

_... " Sakura and I are going to get married!" and half-drunk; he lifted up his new bride and kissed her. In front of everyone._

_... I'm not a selfish person. I don't like to think so. But...even as I mindlessly cheered; I kept hoping it wasn't true. I was waiting for Naruto to say it was another prank. I was joking, oops, _

_Sakura's engagement ring was a canary yellow diamond; beautiful and expensively cut; with a flower design etched into it. the bandwas studded with smal petal shaped emeralds. It was beautiful. _

_Of course it was beautiful. It was Naruto's love. And it meant something I could never be._

_Uzumaki Naruto's wife. _

_And I was nothing now. 7 years gone by; and I still lost the only thing I'd ever really fought for. Maybe Neji is right. Power of will doesn't change a thing._

_Hinata._


	2. A week Earlier

*a week earlier*

A broken so could be heard in the depths of the forest. If any villager had been passing by, they would have sworn that it was the voice of an undead maiden, crying for the loss of a love of hers, from a war that had ended few decades before. While this was not exactly the case, the crying sound- a gasping, desperate plea to be comforted and held- was made by a maiden, but no undead one. It was the voice of the delicate and timid Hyuuga Hinata.

She was sitting on one of the lower branches of a tree, her head on her knees and her arms hanging uselessly to her sides. Her long indigo hair strewn about her, hiding her face from prying eyes. Not that it seemed to matter to the young woman, she could barely move, the force of her pain pinning her to that spot.

After the party had fallen into a lull, the cheering and hooting over Naruto's upcoming marriage having subsided, Hinata had made a quick retreat. Neji's eyes had bored holes into the back of her head as she had left; and if the young genius's eyes could kill with a glare, she would have been fried on the spot. She was almost afraid he would follow her; as was his duty; to protect and care for the young heiress. She silently thanked the drunken Lee, for it was his random challenge to the death was what had kept Neji away from her. She didn't know what she would do if he touched her, or attempted to speak to her. It was hard enough to smile and pretend to cheer for the blonde demon vessel. Her mask was a thin one; and she knew it would break soon.

And break it did, after she had run the farthest and fastest she could, even using chakra to fuel her legs away from the party; away from people in general. Though she had said she was heading home, she expressed no desire to return to the unbearably white walls of the main house of the Hyuuga clan. She did not want a healthy breakfast. She did not wish to face the blank looks of her servants as they cleaned and cared for the gardens.

What she had wanted with every drawn breath, every waking moment… was to wake up every morning and see a man donning orange. She wanted to see his messy home, littered with scrolls and weapons. She even wanted to share a breakfast of ramen every morning, so long as she could see his smiling face as he ate a third; nay; fourth bowl. And most of all, she wanted to see the expressions that hed so often made when he gazed at a certain pink haired individual- aimed at her. Nothing else would ever suffice, and every shaky breath she now drew was further proof that reality was laughing in her face. She would never have that.

The thought tore another ragged cry from her lips, and in the back of her mind she wondered if anyone could hear her, and if they did, what were they thinking? But ofc ourse, as she sensed the area around her, she was positive no life forms were around. The animals had gone into hiding, and it had begun to rain, as if the kami's only repieve to the torn soul below was to let mother nature cry with her.

As she gained some form of sense back, Hinata lifted up her left arm heavily, and brought it to rest upon her mouth. It was not to wipe the snot from her nose nor the tears from her eyes. She just didn't want anyone to hear her screaming anymore. She bit into cloth and flesh and let out a pained sound, a cross between a moan and howl. It sounded demonic in her ears and had she been more aware of herself, she would have had the decency to be shocked. Right now though, the guttural sounds accompanied with her tears helped ease the burden of her pain, if only somewhat. For this, and the sudden thunderclap above her, she was grateful. The darkness around her and in her ears helped fuel her current state.

As much as it pained her to continue crying, she relived every single moment with her unrequited love. She remembered her first day at school, tentatively holding her sensei's shirt and hiding behind him, as he introduced her to the class. One particular memory wormed itself into her mind and she replayed the events.

_Hinata had been sitting outside in the lunch area by herself. Whether this was by choice or not wasn't clear. She could tell by the harsh glares of some children, that they resented her for being what she was- an heiress, a female of high standing in both the shinobi and political world. With one word from her, these children's parents could lose their standing, their lives. The true power of influence that the Hyuuga household had was daunting, and Hinata knew this even at her extremely young age. How could she not, when she was destined to lead this household herself one day? _

_Even so, Hinata wanted someone to talk to, and play with. But coupled with her strange eyes, betraying her origins and her shyness; hinata was perceived to be conceited and uptight; qualities that could be summed up into childish words like "icky, gross, mean," and "outcast", at least for the first day of school. Maybe it had been her pitiful stance, or the way she was carefully eating her bento that drew the other children's attention to her, but when she dropped her juicebox people were readily taunting and whispering all around her. Hinata stared at the box dumbly, unsure of just what to do. People were watching, and it did not feel unlike the cold stare from her Otou when he expected her to fail at something. She bent her head low and began to whimper, when a flash of orange came into her view. _

_She looked up as a child no smaller than her bend low at the waist and picked up what she had dropped. He handed it to her, nearly shoving it in her face in his eagerness to do something helpful. She grabbed the box and looked straight into blue eyes that would forever haunt her with their loneliness and desperation; need. Need to be accepted and loved, she quickly realized. _

_The Hyuuga eyes could not be deceived. She smiled then, a tentative and small thing compared to his dazzling grin as he realized that the girl in front of him was not mean nor bitter and cruel like everyone said she was. And more importantly, that she had not pushed him away. But alas, the bell rang shortly afterwards, and the sound of children collecting their things and returning to class drowned out her small thank you. _

_As Hinata gathered her things, a newfound tenderness filled her when she thought of the blonde boy with marks on his cheeks. Unfortunately, it was at this very moment that she realized that she had briefly touched the fingers of a boy, and he had smiled at her. Her breaking point reached when she realized that this boy might have cooties, and that if Neji had seen her, he'd be mad. _

_Thus hinata's first fainting spell occurred. _

The thought was almost comical now; that a boy handing her a juice box in the middle of recess could have stolen her heart with the simple action; so many years ago. To hinata now though, the thought was unbearably pathetic and saddening. Even then, Naruto had ignored her in hopes of befriending the pink haired child going into class that same day, leaving the Hyuuga heiress on her own as she was picked up by a teacher and sent to the nurse's office.

Hinata began to berate herself with each subsecuent memory, biting her arm when she saw an opportunity to express her love, and shuddering painfully when simpler childhood memories gave way to more recent ones. The mental image of Sakura's pink hair burned Hinata,and she screamed and shook violently when she began to think about her and Naruto's children. Or more presicely, how these children would not bear her indigo hair and his cerulean eyes. Her heart filled with pain and malice. She was not one to hold grudges, and thus knew she would never truly hate sakura or Naruto, but right now she could pretend. After all, it was much easier to despise than to dwell.

It was with this thought that came the realization: Hinata would most certainly be asked to attend the wedding ceremony. In fact, with her standing in the village, it was likely that tenten and Ino would ask for her help in clothing Naruto and Sakura for their wedding; kimono's were expensive and of any family within the rookie nine, Hinata's was the richest. They might even go so far as to suggest that the ceremony happen within the gardens of the Hyuuga household; it was no secret they were lovely, what better place to marry than among one of beauty? Hinata opened her eyes and gasped in horror, brining her hands up to her face. She was going to have to do that! There was no excuse she could think of, nothing… She was going to suffer once again for her riches and power, in the worst was possible. By becoming the godmother to a wedding that would become her unraveling.

She began to feel an all consuming rage, worse than the cold jealousy that she had felt remembering Sakura's face. She felt like someone was biling her very blood, and she itched to tear into someone, feel their blood on her kunai. It just wasn't fair! Kami could not be so cruel to her- First she had lost a mother. When Neji lost his father, he hated her. Her own father was never pleased with her. And now- now the entire reason for her most important choices in life- Naruto-was being handed off to someone else. She stood up, turned and pounded her fists into the tree she was standing on, and would not stop. She had ceased her crying, but she was still shaking and screaming death, for all ears to hear. Eventually these became mute cries, as she pounded into the tree harder and harder, until the tree leaves around her shook and fell off in large amounts.

After a half hour of doing this, she collapsed. Fell from the tree, and it was only her reflexes as a shinobi that kept her from breaking an arm or leg. The rain still hadn't stopped, and it didn't look like it would for some time now. Her emotions for the moment sated, she began to feel the chill of the night, and set about seeking shelter from the rain. There was no way she was going home, it still wasn't appealing to her.

After some searching though the forest, she managed to find a large tree hollow. It was big enough for her to sit in, and it had to be enough. She gave up looking for firewood for a fire throughout the night, as any branches or logs would long ago have been soaked. She almost wished she had thought about it before she had begun to cry. But retrospect was 20/20, and right now… All hinata wanted to do was give into the blackness behind her eyes. Oblivion sounded nice right about now.

. . .

Neji was tired. Neji was pissed. And he had every right to be so. Ever since he had gotten home from the party his uncle had badgered him nonstop on the whereabouts of his heiress. It took everything in Neji's will power to keep his horror-stricken face from his uncle, and instead stating blandly that hinata had gone on a sleepover with Sakura and Tenten. When his uncle asked why, he mentioned the upcoming wedding. That, coupled with who the groom was and how hinata had apparently reacted; caused Hiashi to go into deep thought for several moments as he rocessed this information. He left Neji by himself in the main hall shortly afterward, a clear dismissal on his part. At this point Neji was seething. He disliked lying to his uncle, and most of all he hated it when he wasn't doing his job properly. That meant knowing where Hinata-sama was at all times. And he was miserably failing at that, since for hours, hours now.. he had absolutely no idea where Hinata was.

The sudden downpour and lightning had been slightly troublesome, as Chouji and Shikamaru feared that the electricity would go out in the village; both because they simply lacked the will power to turn on any candles, or comfort scared female teammates. Not that the girls of the rookie 9 were not strong; but he related a short story that had said otherwise in their youth… if he remembered correctly, it had something to do with a ruined sleepover. Neji frowned, shaking himself from the irrelevant thoughts that crossed his mind. Hinata was alone in the rain, and even Kami would not save him from his uncle's wrath if she happened to get sick or worse over this weather.

Neji had a fair guess as to where she would be, and while he was still protective, over the years he had been proven time and time again that Hinata could and would hold her own ground when in danger. She had also come to prove that despite everyones prejuidices against him, despite his ignorance of her existence... Hinata was always going to love Naruto. If his eyes weren't so perceptive, he wouldn't have realized just how hurt his cousin was after Naruto's brazenly loud declaration. Her eyes were empty. There was no fire in them, no light… it was as if he was staring into a white void of nothingness. A blank expanse that felt so wrong, so… inexplicably disturbing. Looking at her made him feel dirty, as if he had hurt her and did not desserve to live for doing so.

Damn that Lee,

He thought; not for the first time in this life. After trying to get him to calm down, he had lost sight of his cousin and had found himself hindered similarly by other people at the party. It was his own fault for acting friendlier just for that one night; his usual countenance at least made the smarter shinobi shy away from him. If only…

"Is it true, Nii-san?" A feminine voice roused him from his thoughts. The voice was sweet, but with a colder edge to it than that of its elder. He turned to see a mirror image of his grandmother, only younger. Dark brown locks stopped at a young girls lower back, drawing attention to curves he hadn't known were there. These gave way to shapely legs and lower still, dainty feet. He paused briefly on the way back up to her waist and breasts, bigger than average but not at full size yet. He saw cherry pink lips, formed into an unflattering but mild scowl. Eyes that mirrored his own greeted him, and he could see worry in the depth of these opalescent orbs. Hanabi was beautiful, but a cold beauty compared to her sister. He answered as best he could,

"yes, they are getting married." To his surprise, the eyes before him showed a mix of emotions.. Fear, pity, anger… but most of all sadness. Could it be, he wondered. Was Hanabi sad for her sister?

"That idiot."she said coldly. "For a brief moment he believed her to be referring to the Uzumaki, "how could he just… walk away from her like that? When she loves him so, Nii-san?" Nei had the decency not to look too surprised at the emotions and expressions seen, expressed by a girl who had been nearly as cold hearted as he in his younger years. After all, Hinata was her sister; she should worry and care, at least a little. The years had really softened Hanabi and Nei; they were far more open than they used to be about their emotions, still putting themselves in check amongst other family members, Hiashi included.

"To be fair hinata never made a move…" he let that comment sit in the air for a few moments, befoe Hanabi said quietly ,

"Where is she?" He could not lie to this cousin, for she knew him too well. A slight shake of his head in the negative was her only answer.

"He has broken her spirit, hesn't he?"Again, another nod. Hanabi wanted to laugh cruelly, and for a moment her mouth turned upwards into a mocking smirk. But then the thunder began and for all the hatred she bore for Uzumaki Naruto, she loved her sister all the more and feared what sort of wounds they would have to heal within her, if she could recover. She began to cry silently, and the more she thought about the pain of her sibling, the harder she cried.

Almost hesitantly, Neji wrapped an arm around the younger hyuuga sobbing silently before him. At the gesture of comfort, Hanabi merely latched herself more tightly onto him, spilling tears over his shirt. Feeling tears spilling from his eyes, Neji sighed and looked out into the world; drenched in rain.

Not for the first time, Neji wondered if the sacrifices his cousin was making were worth it, and if this was the way fate was supposed to play out.

If it was, then life was a disappointing experience indeed.


End file.
